The first month was strange. I found myself constantly feeling like I was never really there. I'd be in the presence of someone but I wouldn't really feel like all of me was there. I was super sensitive to anything. Crying at songs playing in the car or adverts on the t.v. Trying to persuade myself that I was okay by keeping myself busy, but I wasn't. Although keeping yourself busy is a great way of preoccupying your mind and it does work to a point, you will also find times where your mind manages to find it's way back to those negative thoughts anyway and sometimes that might happen in the strangest of places - on public transport, in one of your lectures, or when you're at work; and it's learning how to deal with those situations that is important. I'm not saying there is a straight answer because there definitely isn't. I wish I knew what the best technique was but I don't think there is one because everyone is different and we all deal with our emotions in our own unique way. But I do know that it is okay to feel sad and to let yourself just feel. Don't be angry with yourself when you feel like crying and don't put yourself down. It's easy to lose our self-esteem and it's easier to persuade ourselves that we're bad people and we're not worthy of positive things, then telling ourselves we are good enough.
But we are worthy and we are good enough.
Having positive people around you is key, and realising that not everyone who enters your life is there to stay and that's okay. People will come in and out of our lives, but along the way, they'll always teach us something. But it's important that we hold onto the ones that impact us positively, the ones that make us smile and laugh, the ones who check up on us when we're going through a hard time or just simply the ones who show us they care. Life is short and it's easy to spend time with people just because we're scared of what our lives would be like otherwise. But if a person isn't adding to your life and merely just hindering you in your growth then why have them there. I'm not saying every person that leaves your life is a bad person, sometimes as people, we grow apart and it's better for two people to go their separate ways then force something that is false and holds one another back.
These last few months I've spent time focusing on myself and working towards my goals and enjoying my favourite people's company. I wouldn't be where I am without them. Without people constantly supporting me and rooting me on. Showing me that life can still be fun and I can still smile. And to be completely honest with you I've felt so content, to just be myself. Doing what I please and only having to worry about myself. I've been able to focus on my career and put 100% into looking after myself. I definitely find motivational quotes a massive help to keeping my mind positive and focused. It's easy to spend so much time comparing yourself to the people around you, especially with social media. People constantly updating you with their amazing life - but the truth is we only share the good bits because who the hell wants to tell everyone that they're going through bouts of depression or their boyfriend just cheated on them. It would be crazy. And would also just fuel the keyboard warriors - those people who hide behind their screens insulting others to make themselves feel better. So if you don't get anything from reading this blog post, at least let me tell you this - Don't compare yourself to others. Just stop. Even though our lives look pretty, they're probably not. We're all going through our own shit. It's not all fluffy and magical as much as we may make out it is.
I'm slowly finding my feet and learning to embrace the changes in my life. Working towards my end of goal of just helping people. I've got a month or so left of my course and then the next chapter begins. And the next 2 months are going to crazy full of deadlines, exams and looking for a job while trying to just keep on top of general life. However none of it is going to stop me celebrating my favourite time of year, CHRISTMAS! So yeah, here's to another crazy 2 months of life.
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| Because to feel happiness is possible again. Shannon x |
