Today is the day - or not.

So if you're reading this now, I've bucked up the courage to post this. Part of me didn't want to, but another part of me thought it would help.

So today was the day I was supposed to be proud. The day that these last three years have been building up to. I was supposed to feel excited. I was supposed to feel like I've actually achieved something. But the reality is, today has been nothing like that. I woke up just after 8, receiving messages from my excited friends regarding the day ahead. I was happy for them, but I couldn't help but feel sad. Sad because I was supposed to be joining in on those messages, sad because my parents were supposed to be here feeling proud. Today was supposed to be my graduation. But it's not.

The last few months have been a roller-coaster, not to mention the months before leading up to those months. April/May was crazy. Full of essays, due dates, exams and the dreaded dissertation. On the 31st May, I received the amazing news of getting a first in my counselling module. I was ecstatic. Nothing could take it away from me. I wanted to cry with joy, because I knew I deserved it. However little did I know, it was all about to go very down hill from here. All year I've been performing my very best, until June. Where I received the most upsetting/terrifying news - you may think I'm being dramatic, but I'm sure many other uni students understand the emotions I was going through, so it was the day I was receiving the results for my last ever essay. A day full of emotions. I felt relatively calm compared to my normal feelings when receiving results; normally my stomach is in twists and my palms become all sweaty at the thought of my results being released. Just before I was about to leave to see the Lion King with some amazing friends, I had the email informing me about the release of my results. So I logged onto my account and nervously refreshed the page to see...

a big FAT 0. 

So at first I was like there must be some mistake, maybe my grade hasn't been released yet, and it's just a simple computer error. Therefore I emailed the head of the module to find out what was happening to receive the worst email ever. I don't even want to say it. Because I still feel embarrassed. But we're all friends here right? My work had been put in for plagiarism. Yep, that's right PLAGIARISM. My worst university nightmare. Immediately I broke into tears, as I felt everything shatter around me. I felt ashamed, embarrassed, angry, distraught, shock, sadness... I truly didn't know what to do with myself. How do you handle a situation like this? I was meant to leave to meet my friends, but I didn't want to. I wanted to curl up in a ball and just sob. Writing this now, I still want to cry. I still feel ashamed. Although I know, deep down this isn't my fault, and I shouldn't be ashamed of something I did not do. So the night went on, I got myself together and found myself on the tube to Covent Garden. I don't know how because in reality, I didn't want to be anywhere but my bed. But I tell you now, I do not regret for a second carrying on with my day and going to see the Lion King, it managed to lift my spirits in ways I didn't believe possible at the time. Hakuna Matata.

A few days passed and I managed to get an email together to appeal the alleged offence. I kept myself busy, working full time occupied my mind - and I know I had done everything I possibly could have done. Although playing at the back of mind was the fact this may stop me from graduating in July with all my friends. So I sorted a meeting with one of my lecturers who has been absolutely amazing through all of this! He then informed me that I wouldn't be able to graduate until December. So not only was this affecting my overall degree classification, but it was now affecting the one day I was so excited for. The last page of my university chapter.

When I thought it couldn't get much worse, I then received my grade back for my dissertation and Neuroscience exam - to find out I was 1% off a 2:1 in my dissertation and I failed my exam meaning I was 1% of a 2:1 in my Neuroscience module as well. So things were looking shit. I found this out while at work, where I soon after just became a zombie - luckily it was only an hour before I finished so as I got on the packed Victoria line to Finsbury Park I began to cry. Tears were ending up on the gentleman's leg who was sat in front of me - fortunately; he didn't notice (that really would have been embarrassing). So that was it, all the long days, tears and sleepless nights were for nothing - or so that's how I felt. All my friends were receiving classifications of 2:1 and above and I was there feeling like a failure. An embarrassment.

So the decision was made I had to resit the Neuroscience exam in the attempt to bring up my grade - it was possible. But I didn't have the energy or the motivation. I was working 40 hours a week and volunteering once a week as well. I was physically and mentally exhausted. But with the help of my friends, family, boyfriend and my amazing lecturer, I found the motivation to keep trying. I wasn't about to give up, not with out a fight. So days passed, and I still hadn't received an email in response to my alleged offence and the exam was edging nearer. Half of me didn't see the point in resitting the exam if the penalty imposed upon wasn't going to change as at the end of the day, the exam was only a small difference in the grand scheme of things.

Every day I saw more pictures and statuses of people's amazing university achievements. And all I could think was why me? I don't go out and drink, I attended over 95% of my lectures, I work hard, I give every piece of my work my all - but it's not enough. I didn't do enough. But as the month ended, I began to feel more hopeful - a small part of me thought this may all just become sorted and I might get to go graduation after all. But I think that was me being overly hopeful.

So I've resat the exam & I'm finishing up my essay to hand in on Monday. I'm still angry and frustrated, but all of this has made me stronger. Although a small part of me still wants to give up and chuck in the towel, another part of me knows that I should keep going. I didn't move away from my family, friends and loving boyfriend to give up now. I moved here to make a difference and to get closer to my dream career.

SO here's to not giving up - and carrying on with what I started. I may not be coming out with the classification I feel I deserve but I should still be proud of what I've achieved.

♡ Hakuna Matata ♡

♡ Wahaca ♡

So after much deliberation and discussing every possible Mexican in Angel me & the girls - my housemates, decided to go to Wahaca & what a great decision that was. We were originally aiming to go Chilango, which was very close to Angel tube station, however when we arrived we decided it looked a little too much like a posh fast food restaurant, which in hindsight it really was. It looked cool and the ratings were amazing, but there's just something about sitting down for your meal & being waited on instead of having to order your food at the till, it also comes down to the environment and the mood you're in. After our long days we all just wanted to have a nice relaxed meal, so to Wahaca it was.

So we started off by ordering some drinks, Hannah went for a Mohito & Oliva tried a nice Mocktail, and from what I could tell, they both rather much enjoyed them. So far so good, the menu had lots to offer, so we were spoilt for choice.

We decided to go for some dishes from the Tapas selection, choosing three dishes each which were all reasonably priced. I went for a chicken quesadilla, sweet potatoes and cauliflower cheese - it felt like a slightly random dish to accompany the rest, but who cares, I love cauliflower cheese. I almost forgot, we also got some amazing nachos with fresh guacamole. 

Although the nacho's didn't come with any salsa or sour cream, they were really good, and to be honest I thought it was quite nice to just have the one dip as most of the time I find myself rarely finishing any of the dips. The guacamole was really and was served immediately after ordering, so we couldn't knock them for service. 

These sweet potatoes were THE best sweet potatoes I have ever tried!! I'd literally go back just for the sweet potatoes. They were perfectly cooked and I'd recommend anyone who enjoys sweet potato to try them, even people who are unsure of sweet potato because they were that good! Definitely the highlight of the meal.

The cauliflower cheese was nice, however not cooked to my preferred taste. I found it a little hard for my liking, however, I fully respect everyone likes their vegetables slightly differently. So I wouldn't knock them for it, I just probably wouldn't order that dish again.

However, the chicken quesadilla was really good too! It was cooked and spiced perfectly, I couldn't find a fault with it. The portions were perfect, as long as you ordered around 3 dishes - which was recommended anyway. 

Olivia enjoying her chicken wing.

After really enjoying our main course, we decided to go for dessert. Although there wasn't much choice, they all sounded interesting and tasty. I went for some churros, whereas the girls went for Bunuelo with Tommi's tomatillo jam - which entailed sweet fried pastry, with vanilla ice-cream drizzled with homemade tomatillo jam & toasted coconut.

I wasn't the biggest fan of the churros, especially because the 'rich chocolate sauce' was dark chocolate. So I definitely regretted ordering it after experiencing the first mouthful of dark chocolate. Although the cinnamon sprinkled on the churros was really nice.  

Overall we really enjoyed our meal at Wahaca - Angel and will definitely be returning for more sweet potatoes!! The waiter was also really nice, even though at first we thought he hated us, he did eventually smile and actually ended up being lovely.  The atmosphere was nice and the overall cost was good, roughly £20 for a drink, shared side and three tapas dishes and a dessert!  So I'm sure we'll be seeing you again soon Wahaca!

Therefore, our overall experience was

                                               ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡  out of 5! 

                                                 Muchos love,

 Shannon ♡

♡ Pretty Lemon Muffins ♡

So recently I've really been loving baking lemon muffins, each week perfecting the recipe! However this week I feel I knocked the hammer on the nail - cheesiest line ever. But in all honesty, all my friends have approved of them too! So, first of all, you'll need:

♡ 250g margarine 

♡ 250g caster sugar

♡ 3 medium eggs

♡ 200g self-raising flour

♡ 4 tbsp milk

♡ 2 lemons

♡ Heat the oven to 180 degrees.
♡ Fill a muffin tray with muffin cases (est. 15 cakes)
♡ Add the sugar and margarine into a bowl and mix together.
♡ Add the flour, eggs, milk and zest of two lemons with a squeeze of lemon juice.
♡ Mix everything until you have a smooth mixture.
♡ Next I measured 55g of the mixture into each muffin case - but if you don't want to be as specific as me then just evenly spread the mixture into the cases.
♡ Bake the cupcakes for 15-20 minutes, until they've risen and springy.
♡ While the cakes are in the oven start to prepare your frosting, you'll need:

♡ 175g margarine
♡ 350g icing sugar
♡ squeeze of a lemon

♡ Combine all three of your ingredients using a wooden spoon, being careful to not spill the mixture over the bowl onto the worktop - which I often do.
♡ Once the mixture is smooth you can spoon it into a piping back, I like to put my piping bag into a glass! Probably one of the best baking tips I've learnt this year. So much easier than attempting to hold it!
♡ Then decorate your cakes as desired, I added some hearts and pink sugar crystals for the valentines occasion!
♡ THEN STUFF YOUR FACE & ENJOY! ♡

Time To Make A Change

Happy new year. As we're coming to the middle of January, it's slowly setting in, this is the year, the year I graduate and the next chapter of my life begins. I've been plodding along as most of us do who are in their early twenties, in my perfect little bubble, taking day by day, but now it's time to actually think about my future. I've always thought I knew where I was going and what I wanted to do, but as it's coming closer, I'm getting more anxious and more unsure of where I'm going..

So I have an idea of where I want to be. But right now I'm trying to figure out how I get there. And that's the difficult part. I feel like I'm slowly becoming lost. So I've done something about it, I've emailed my university careers advisor and I'm going to book a meeting about my future.

All I've ever known is I want to help people. I've always wanted to take pain away from others. Support people, make someone feel valued and important. Drive away any pain. I want to support mental health charity's. I want to crush the stigma of mental health. I want to assure people they're not alone. I want to help society to understand what mental health is and why they shouldn't laugh or joke. I want to convince people that mental health should be taken seriously. And that we should be concerned about the increase of depression and suicide. I just want to make a difference.

However I've realised to make that difference, I need to put myself out there. I need to push myself and reach for every opportunity. These dreams are ambitious but I'd like to think achievable. I'm determined and determination is key. So as of tomorrow I'm going to start making this dream a reality. I've realised that sometimes for a person to grow, they must feel fear. You have to push yourself until your limits. It's okay to say you want to do something, but it's another thing to actually do it. And I want to do it.

So here's to 2016. To following my dreams of making a change.

Much love,

Shannon