The Third-Year Stint

We're edging closer to Christmas and third-year has truly begun. We are no longer at the point of finding our feet. We are now fully delved into what is third year. Some people have already submitted their first piece of coursework, whereas some of us don't have to submit until January (that'll be me). Which I'm extremely thankful for, however don't think I haven't got my fair workload. Dissertation is in full swing. And my ethics proposal has been officially approved so I can start collecting my data! Which I guess is kind of exciting - in a weird geeky way. I'm also preparing for work due in the new year, as this year I feel like we're getting more support and feedback before our final submission dates. Unless I was just completely unaware of this last year? Which could be possible.

 I spend a lot of my time being in denial. 50% of the time I tell myself I can do this & then the other 50% of the time I'm telling myself I'm an idiot and even trying my best will not be good enough. So you could say it's not exactly fun being me. But I'm hoping at this point you're reading this feeling like you're not alone. Last year I spent a lot of time feeling disappointed with my grades, never feeling like I got the grade I deserved. However this year I'm sat in the library at least twice a week trying to stop this from happening again - it's actually where I am right now. I've managed to get the work & university work life style balanced. Or so I feel at the moment. I feel organised and motivated to do well. However getting some feedback on my preparation on my dissertation has set me back a little and I guess this is why I'm writing this. I hate how I can completely set myself back. I genuinely sometimes feel like staying in bed and just not bothering to move, because even if I do move anything I do will be a waste of time. But I need to stop these negative thoughts. I need to remain on my positive path and remind myself why I'm here and that I truly do deserve to do well. At the end of the day I've made it this far, so what's 6 more months. Fuck. That sounds scary. Maybe I won't remind myself of the time I have left.

Regardless of the time I have or don't have, I am truly determined to succeed. I feel like I've been successful so far. I'm trying not to hide away from the facts, for example, deadlines etc. I'm carrying on working even when I feel like shutting my laptop and getting in my bed. I'm going to the library to try even if I only write a paragraph. And that is all I can do, try. So here goes to a crazy, roller coaster of a year. A year full of emotions. Sometimes I'll cry of happiness and I'm sure somedays I'll cry of anger. But one thing is for certain is I'm not going to give up.

If you get this far, I hope you're having a good day and have enjoyed the read. And remember one thing never give up on your dreams and ambitions. Because if you want it, you'll get there!

Muchos love,

Shannon ♥