2017, you’ve been a whirlwind. That might even be an understatement.I’ve lost people, I’ve gained people and established my huge passion for mental health than ever before. I’ve become stronger, I’ve made mistakes, I’ve cried until I was sick and laughed until I cried. I’ve met some absolutely incredible people and I’ve ignited old friendships and made them stronger. People who I’ve known for less than a few years have been my absolute rocks.
But most of all I’ve done myself proud. I’ve finally let myself be myself. I’m still on a long journey until I’ll be happy with myself, on the outside and the in. But I feel like these small steps have made a world of difference. I’ve made decisions for myself, not for others. I’ve put myself first. And it feels GREAT. I went through a shit time where I felt like I’d never be good enough and at times these thoughts still stick with me. But I am slowly trying to break barriers down, to build my confidence back up and just be happy being me. It is hard to please yourself when you’re a perfectionist. Nothing you do is ever really good enough, you’re your own worst critic. This makes it hard to do anything. Because no matter how hard you try or how much you put into something you never really feel satisfied. But I’m working on it.
This year I started and completed my postgraduate diploma in mental health practice and I loved it. Okay, so I didn’t love the heavy workload and working 6 days a week for most of the year had its downfalls. However, I am so glad I did it. I met some amazing people, service users and colleagues. Memories I simply won’t ever forget. I felt like I was finally heading in the right direction. However, the last month or so has been difficult, going from full time employment on peanuts to now only having a part-time job. Not only am I broke, I don’t have any stable income and I don’t know when it’s going to change. I could just move home, but no I don’t ever pick the easy option. This year has made the decision whether going home or staying in London a little easier to make. And I’ve decided to stay. But to make that certain, I need to get off my ass and apply for jobs like my life depends on it. Well it kinda does. I’ve loved living in London and I’m not ready for this chapter to end. So I’m going to work my ass off and make sure it doesn’t. Call me crazy.
So not only did I start my career in mental health, my beautiful nephew was born and my best friend from the age of 7 is expecting. Like holy shit. I also made some amazing memories with one of my best-friends, smashing a world record in the process. Standard, right? I’ve seen my two nieces flourish and grow into hilarious, intelligent girls. I’ve been out to brunch more times in the last year than I think I have in my whole life and I went to a wedding as a mother fucking mermaid. I got my first tattoo, small but still I got a f’ing tattoo. Madness. I’ve explored London like never before finding so many cute places to eat. I know I have a food problem. Found a new love for the gym and caramel coffee. I finally went to see Matilda, year made. Worked with some amazing people and found a new love for halloumi.
I’ve conquered some of my social anxiety and actually went out for drinks – seems like nothing, right? But to me that is amazing. Don’t get me wrong my paruresis (shy bladder) hasn’t disappeared, I’ve discovered that. But it’s so much better. And my social anxiety, fluctuation in moods does get the better of me from time to time. However, my new love for reading has helped a lot. I’ve read some amazing self-help books from ‘Mad Girl’ by Bryony Gordon to ‘Reasons to stay alive’ by Matt Haig, and lots of other amazing books like ‘I see you’ by Clare Mackintosh. I’m hoping the fresh year will help me to keep moving forward and carry on doing the things I love. I know it’s not going to be easy, but I think I am ready to take on the challenge.
2018, let’s DO this.
But most of all I’ve done myself proud. I’ve finally let myself be myself. I’m still on a long journey until I’ll be happy with myself, on the outside and the in. But I feel like these small steps have made a world of difference. I’ve made decisions for myself, not for others. I’ve put myself first. And it feels GREAT. I went through a shit time where I felt like I’d never be good enough and at times these thoughts still stick with me. But I am slowly trying to break barriers down, to build my confidence back up and just be happy being me. It is hard to please yourself when you’re a perfectionist. Nothing you do is ever really good enough, you’re your own worst critic. This makes it hard to do anything. Because no matter how hard you try or how much you put into something you never really feel satisfied. But I’m working on it.
This year I started and completed my postgraduate diploma in mental health practice and I loved it. Okay, so I didn’t love the heavy workload and working 6 days a week for most of the year had its downfalls. However, I am so glad I did it. I met some amazing people, service users and colleagues. Memories I simply won’t ever forget. I felt like I was finally heading in the right direction. However, the last month or so has been difficult, going from full time employment on peanuts to now only having a part-time job. Not only am I broke, I don’t have any stable income and I don’t know when it’s going to change. I could just move home, but no I don’t ever pick the easy option. This year has made the decision whether going home or staying in London a little easier to make. And I’ve decided to stay. But to make that certain, I need to get off my ass and apply for jobs like my life depends on it. Well it kinda does. I’ve loved living in London and I’m not ready for this chapter to end. So I’m going to work my ass off and make sure it doesn’t. Call me crazy.
So not only did I start my career in mental health, my beautiful nephew was born and my best friend from the age of 7 is expecting. Like holy shit. I also made some amazing memories with one of my best-friends, smashing a world record in the process. Standard, right? I’ve seen my two nieces flourish and grow into hilarious, intelligent girls. I’ve been out to brunch more times in the last year than I think I have in my whole life and I went to a wedding as a mother fucking mermaid. I got my first tattoo, small but still I got a f’ing tattoo. Madness. I’ve explored London like never before finding so many cute places to eat. I know I have a food problem. Found a new love for the gym and caramel coffee. I finally went to see Matilda, year made. Worked with some amazing people and found a new love for halloumi.
I’ve conquered some of my social anxiety and actually went out for drinks – seems like nothing, right? But to me that is amazing. Don’t get me wrong my paruresis (shy bladder) hasn’t disappeared, I’ve discovered that. But it’s so much better. And my social anxiety, fluctuation in moods does get the better of me from time to time. However, my new love for reading has helped a lot. I’ve read some amazing self-help books from ‘Mad Girl’ by Bryony Gordon to ‘Reasons to stay alive’ by Matt Haig, and lots of other amazing books like ‘I see you’ by Clare Mackintosh. I’m hoping the fresh year will help me to keep moving forward and carry on doing the things I love. I know it’s not going to be easy, but I think I am ready to take on the challenge.
2018, let’s DO this.
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